2009: A Year in Review

I'm so late on all types of news. Where was I when Van Jones was being skewered for no reason? fucking Glen Beck. People haven't put a hit on that dude yet? And where is this 9/11 Truth Petition so I can sign it? If you buy that a plane's entire fuselage embeds itself into the ground when shit that falls from space doesn't do that ... I got some swamp land for you. Why did Plaxico get 2 years for shooting HIMSELF? That's fucked up. What's the name of his lawyer? So, I'll know not to hire him. Cheney shot someone in the face with a shotgun and got an apology ... from the victim ... maybe if Plaxico would have apologized to himself. Many DUI fuckers get probation. Fucking Chris Brown wife beating ass got proby, Plaxico can't get proby and catch some passes? Racist as NY Post depicting Obama as a stimulus monkey. Then denying it. Take credit for your shenanigans, Post. Don't piss on me and tell me its raining. Don't fuck a 14 yr old & tell me its not you in the video R.Kelly. I'm not an idiot. I've seen cribs. Michael Jackson died. Really who didn't die this year? Heath Ledger couldn't have held on a year and died with everybody else in 2009? Tiger Woods is a sex fiend. Brittney Murphy liked too much coke or binging and purging, too soon to tell. Taylor Lautner took off his shirt one too many times and 30+ year old women everywhere became perverts. T.I. got out of jail early for good behavior. Weezy prepped to go in for bad. All in all an eventful year. You have to take the good with the bad. We all came out on the other side not being worse for wear. Let's make 2010 a little bit better.

Know Your Audience

Okay, I talked recently about knowing who you're telling a joke to will be a factor in determining if its funny.  Well, I should follow my own fucking advice.  Okay, for those of you that read my blog entry "Anonymity ... Fuck it! I can't spell!" already see where this is headed.  For those of you that haven't, go back a week.  Anyway, I only verbally told that story to one person (Qiana).  She immediately started laughing like I knew she would because "...and then he whipped his cock out"  is fucking hilarious. Now, I made the mistake of telling this same story to a new friend of mine who did not think this story was hilarious and threatened to stop hanging out with me socially because "weird shit" would happen around me.  Now you have to mind two things.  

1.  This crazy penis story happened at a joint SHE (AKA new friend) took me to, though she was not there during this incident.  

2. She laughed hysterically when I told her the T.I. big bush story.  Like laughing hard!  She had me laughing so hard I nearly asphyxiated.  Matter of fact, I called her today and she answered the phone laughing hysterically because I sent her a link to the blog and she caught the visual and my caption and her first sentence to me was "When I think of you, all I think of is balls."  And we cracked up again.  So, it only stands to reason that someone who thinks T.I. giving away sweaty ball t-shirts complete with serial numbered pubic hairs would find a story where the punch line is "and then he pulled his cock out" a tad bit funny.  But alas, she did not.  Now, she made fun of me and we laughed heartily, but I saw it in her eyes that she was afeared.  It's one thing to see a picture of T.I.'s monster bush.  It's another thing all together to be front row center and smell the musk of sex and genitals.  Well, I guess you either live life on the sidelines or on the stage.  We all know where I like to be.  

T.I.'s Free Sweaty Ball Hand Towel Giveaway!

Lol. WTF? First off, why is he dipping handtowels into his crotch and then giving them away. He has some big balls (well, I cannot confirm nor deny this) to consistently do this and think this is okay. I'm sorry, this is funny. I mean who thinks this shit up. And everyone is talking about his big bush. Why is it all the way up to his navel? And on some side leg, too? Yeesh. I know I said I was against a man going all bald, but I'm not advocating a jungle. Poor Tiny having to wade through the weeds on her quest of perpetual pregnancy. Man, you have to have a huge cock to rock a bush that wild. Otherwise, it must look like a turtle in the grass. I love me some T.I., but this is ridiculous. I can't stop laughing. Maybe he's trying to grow it out for prison. I'm sure the reverse looks the same.