I'm not Racist. Yes, you are!!!!!

I'm not racist. My shoe shiner is black. My mammy is black. The woman who breast feeds my children is black. My trainer and my chef and my personal assistant are black. My maid is mexican. My lover is black. My wife's lover is black. The young man who's schtupping my daughter is black as midnight. My best friend is black. The guy that sits next to me is black. The bathroom attendant at the country club is black. So is my favorite caddy. My manicurist is korean. My favorite chef is Italian. Everyone knows they aren't that white. My dad's mistress is black. My first grade teacher was black. I watch black tv shows. They need all the ratings help they can get. I listen to the rap music in my SUV. I don't say any of the n-words when someone else is around. I drink Cristal because the Jay and the Z tell me to. I stop drinking the Cristal because the guy that make the champagne said some nasty things about the blacks. I love the blacks juicy booty juices. The full lips on my penis. The full booty and the sexy thighs me like. Who wants the pelvis bones poking into the stomach. I gives the daps real proper like. I likes a good tan. Who wants to be pasty. I'm not a fan of the white women. Unless its time to smack a bitch. They're really good for that. I only have one family member thats apart of the Klan. I only speak to Jonny on Thanksgiving. I mean he's funny as shit. I have to give him a shout out. I don't immediately wash my hands after shaking hands with a black person. I wait a little while. I don't say anything about the jews in public. You can't tell who's a Jew now adays. They don't just look like they do on TV. They're not all the NY/Jersey looking Jews. I actually like the stinky smell of ethnic food. Not in my house obviously. That shit gets all up in your curtains and your upholstery... Anyway, I'm NOT racist. I haven't hurled a slur in, in years. Now rub my feet and bow down to my whiteness.

Alicia Keys is Racist

Okay, not really, but it sounds catchy, right? What she did do was speak out of turn in an interview, didn't bother to clarify, claimed to be misquoted and immediately started back tracking. Now she said something to the affect of "gangster rap is a ploy [by white music execs] to get black people to kill each other." I'm not going to debate whether or not any of that is true. What is up for debate is who she said it to and why she didn't state her intentions clearer. She spoke out of turn, in mixed company. Mixed company in this case being black and white, not men and women.

This is like Kanye West going on national TV stating that George Bush doesn't like black people. While hilarious and/or true, that was not perhaps the correct forum for that discussion. Mr. West later stated in one of his songs that he was talking on TV as if talking in a closed conversation to a room full of blacks. This is how I feel about Ms. Keys' comment.

She was speaking with implied knowledge that someone outside of the race and/or music industry (this does not include music journalists) would have no clue of the magnitude, significance, tongue and cheek, and inner workings of that statement. The fact that she said something so outlandish reminds me of the crazy musings of Denny Krane (Boston Legal) or Tracy Jordan (30 Rock). Though fictional characters, their crazy laments seem nutzo, but in the context of their character's world, they are quite rational. While Key's statement seems out of touch, with her inner knowledge of the workings of the music industry, perhaps to other artists and music industry professionals, her statement may seem dead on.

Or she's a whack job, your choice.