LAMVF

Target Hates the Gays

What's going on with "I hate gays marrying" political donations Target? I love my Target and this action has saddened me. For a retailer to take a political stance is a little inappropriate. I guess you don't have gay employees at Target. I guess your employees don't have gay children, relatives and friends. I guess you don't have gay shoppers or stockholders. I guess none of the beautiful models in those lovely commercials are gay either. Why stop at the gays? What's your stance on inter-racial marrige? Should that still be illegal? Tell me your views on blacks, muslims, and abortion, Target? Was the holocaust real, Target? Should we close the gates to Mexicans, Target? Did the Haitians deserve the earthquake, Target? The poor people of New Orleans, too, Target? Was BP just a small oopsie, Target? Tell me oh wise retailer who am I supporting by shopping in your store? You want to donate to causes with all that plush Target money? Donate to the Red Cross, Target. Support causes for the environment, the homeless, music/art in schools - you know, non-hate causes. Did you not realize that the actions/political views of one or two people of the board probably didn't reflect the majority of the employees??? Should you rebrand your logo as a beautiful red and white swastika? Man, we all knew Wal-Mart was evil, but et tu Brutus? Where the hell am I going to shop now? K-Mart? I hate K-Mart.

New Slate

Honestly, I'm spent. I'm ready to forgive and honestly, it could be the liquor talking, but who gives a shit. I'm old and I don't fucking care anymore. It's time for clarity. So, for you lay people, here's the shiznit!

This PARTICULAR blog will be my confessional blog ... probably my most honest (in terms of my PERSONAL self .... i'm QUITE honest with everything in general). I'm going to forward ALL my feelings about TV to my TVlicious blog, movies to my Moobie Snob blog, my music rants to my friend Monica's blog Kill The Mic (which is AWESOME btw), my insane and probably hilarious "rules/lists for life" blog to Saviaj Manifesto and my film shite to Saviaj.com and/or my latest film's facebook page for my latest film Crown Prince of Heaven. And that's the shiznit my people. As you all know I'M quite opinionated and that's the way it is. I have reconciled that with myself and get the fuck over it. I'm 30 and I'm not going to change. I LOVE that about being 30, that being an excuse because, honestly, I've been that way since ... birth and my niece is my fricking photocopy but WORSE so, it's probably (okay, i know it is) heriditary. But I'm constructive with my shit.

But I digress. Back on topic. Some folks I'm ACTIVELY trying to forgive and/or get over. My cousin who did a bunch a shit that I didn't understand. I'm done trying to understand and I'm on forgiving mode. I'm on get the fuck over it mode.

My ex-...who the fuck ever, who had a baby for reasons I cannot (WILL not) explain, took this information HARD for a variety of reasons. I'm done. Who cares.

To that chick who I was friends with for a couple of months, then flamed out and bad mouthed me to mutual friends without actually telling ME she had a problem ... Go fuck yourself. Hey, nobodies perfect. Least of all me. You should have just told me. I would have been like "okay, I can change this or that/I didn't mean this or that in the way you took it" or whatever. But now, I'm being passive aggressive, that's my way of being NICE because I actually VALUED our friendship and thought you would come to me with whatever problems you had, but you chicken shitted out ... hey, that's your way because you're young, whatevs. But you acted DIRTY and expected me to be nice ... and I know how NOT to be nice very well and that's not the tact you should have took. But you'll learn the hard way, but that's too bad because I'm very amiable to change and adjust to people that I like -- I'll adjust my behavoir to play less into their insecurities, but you'll never know because you're dead to me.

To the roommate that .... fuck you, I hope you burn in hell. LMAO, I'm serious. You know who you are. Unnecessary.

To the roommate that's really I nice person, but stinks and/or doesn't respect peoples stuff ... get that together and we could be MORE than fine, but grow the hell up.

To the person who .... is an idiot ... lol ... where is my filter??? Honestly, this could be a number of people, you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. I work hard, I go the extra mile and I like you as a person. Your bi-polarness .... less than desired.

Anywho, that's the way the cookie crumbles .... Check out my new site Saviaj Manifesto!!! Awesomeness personified! It's the rules you should live you life by, because I said so damnit!

I'm trying to turn over a new leaf ... it's soooo hard being the "bigger" person.

The Death of Love

What is it about the wiring of a man's brain that makes it so easy for them to get over you? What is it about women that causes them to linger? How is that fucking fair? What is it about the universe that when you've finally gotten over someone they know the precise moment to call and remind you that you used to love them. What kind of fucked up shit is that? What's wrong with not calling ever again, not checking up. What's wrong with that? What the fuck is wrong with leaving people the hell alone. Time does heal all wounds, but time heals slowly and it doesn't heal completely. There are still cracks in the armor. There are still fissures in the facade. And pain knows exactly where they are. Exactly. Who's got some spackle?

Death of a Friendship

Honestly, this has been a long time coming, but I've been too fucking busy to even address it. I'm very much a Type-A personality, an alpha female - a bitch, if you will - or at least I can be, if provoked. I've been content with that for quite some time. I'm very comfortable in my own skin. I get along with most people, but about 30%, I don't. And this can be for a variety of reasons. If I think you're an idiot, we're probably not going to be friends. If I don't respect you, if you're shady or flaky or insecure, perhaps we're not going to jive. It's not a big deal to me. I'm not going to lose sleep over it, but it seems the less attention I give to this fact, the more it irks the other person. I've almost perfected this into an art. And it's not even on purpose, but whatever. I take the high road, don't engage, don't entertain lunacy and I'm labeled the bad guy. They take the low road, stomp and throw tantrums, talk about me like a dog to all my friends, act a zip damn fool, call me at all times of night and they're the victim. Okay. Sure. I'll be that. My friends know who I am. They know what's up. They know what's not true and what is. I don't need to explain that to them.

And something that they ALL know is that I don't entertain crazy. If you've got a few screws loose, you behave irrationally, blow things out of proportion, I walk away. I don't call you. I don't harass you, I let that shit fade. We're obviously not going to work out. Not a big deal. What I don't entertain is long soliloquy emails about petty issues that you didn't have the balls to tell me when we were actually friends. I entertain all concerns from people who are friends to me. But you didn't feel the need to bring that shit up then. What became abundantly clear through that ridiculous letter is how deep seeded your insecurities lie. Half of that shit doesn't even make sense and isn't even true, but that's hardly the point.

When you don't want to be friends with someone, you stop calling them, you stop talking about them and you leave them alone. That's what I did to you. I wasn't bad mouthing you to this person or that. I wasn't going on a tirade of this person did this to me. That's ridiculous. Maybe in time you'll see that. And what you certainly don't do is poke someone and piss someone off and then ask to have your way. You are a lunatic.

Fuck off. Don't call me. Don't email me. Don't create new email addresses to email me from. I will filter them all to get deleted immediately. Don't query our mutual friends about me. Fuck the fuck off. You had a very fine opportunity to end things or clear the air amicably. I gave you 3 opportunities to do so and you shat on them. That's all on you. And now, you get what you get. Believe it or not, this is me being nice. You've met me, you know that in your heart to be true. If I was your age, responding to the antics that you have been performing, you would have fared infinitely worse. This is your last and final warning. Leave me the fuck alone.

2009: A Year in Review

I'm so late on all types of news. Where was I when Van Jones was being skewered for no reason? fucking Glen Beck. People haven't put a hit on that dude yet? And where is this 9/11 Truth Petition so I can sign it? If you buy that a plane's entire fuselage embeds itself into the ground when shit that falls from space doesn't do that ... I got some swamp land for you. Why did Plaxico get 2 years for shooting HIMSELF? That's fucked up. What's the name of his lawyer? So, I'll know not to hire him. Cheney shot someone in the face with a shotgun and got an apology ... from the victim ... maybe if Plaxico would have apologized to himself. Many DUI fuckers get probation. Fucking Chris Brown wife beating ass got proby, Plaxico can't get proby and catch some passes? Racist as NY Post depicting Obama as a stimulus monkey. Then denying it. Take credit for your shenanigans, Post. Don't piss on me and tell me its raining. Don't fuck a 14 yr old & tell me its not you in the video R.Kelly. I'm not an idiot. I've seen cribs. Michael Jackson died. Really who didn't die this year? Heath Ledger couldn't have held on a year and died with everybody else in 2009? Tiger Woods is a sex fiend. Brittney Murphy liked too much coke or binging and purging, too soon to tell. Taylor Lautner took off his shirt one too many times and 30+ year old women everywhere became perverts. T.I. got out of jail early for good behavior. Weezy prepped to go in for bad. All in all an eventful year. You have to take the good with the bad. We all came out on the other side not being worse for wear. Let's make 2010 a little bit better.

Hate On Hater

I haven't experienced a case of haterade so very strong since the early 90s. I don't have time for the bullshit. You don't like me. Fine. Keep it moving. I wasn't bothering you. I left your insecure punk ass alone. I just stumbled across this Glee version. I'm not sure which one I like more. They are both quite excellent.

Zara ______ December 1 at 1:46am

Just when I thought I didn't have anything to blog about. Someone emails me this via facebook at one o'clock in the morning. Half of this shit, I don't know what she's talking about. The other half isn't even in the realm of reality. I'm not even going to bother clarifying which is which. Just read it as a good ole fashion piece of fiction. And word to the wise, don't email me arguments when all you have to do is pick up the phone. I show them to people ... to laugh ... because I'm mean. Living abroad and being an ex is your only pass on this issue. Fucking ridiculous. I hesitated to even post this, but then ole chick pushed me over the edge talking MORE bullshit after this. When will people learn? Oh well. [UPDATE: I'm taking the video out because it's random and a little extra mean, even for me. You don't need to know what she looks like, only that she is bat shit crazy. The letter stays untouched, warts and all.]


I just wanted to make a few things clear since i never did and it still bothers me.

First of all, when i met you, i really did like you. it was really fun hanging out with you and talking and drinking and doing all the things friends did with each other. i really felt that we would be friends for a long time, and that made me pretty happy. it really was a blast going out, or even hanging around your apartment and watching tv and just laughing. just laughing with you was one of the things i enjoyed the most. then something happened.

i felt that the more i got to know you, and the more comfortable we felt with each other the more you criticized me. I smoke, have for a long time, if you really cared and felt that you wanted me to stop because it is unhealthy then a conversation would have been acceptable. instead, you made snide remarks about me smelling or made a condescending look at me if i lit up. look, i'm an adult, and i make my own decisions. like i said before, if you felt concerned and had a talk with me i would respect that, but making those comments, or even gestures like waving your hand in your face or giving me gum or mints was just plain rude. i am not a child and you are not my mother. i didn't say anything because you can be quite intimidating and for my own personal reasons, i do not like confronting people i am close to because i don't like to lose relationships. i guess i lost the relationship this time because i didn't speak up.

i feel like besides the smoking thing you would criticize me on other things like my shoes or clothes. like i said, i am an adult, i don't need someone to constantly make judgments about the way i dress myself or the actions i take. one joke here and there but all the time? especially because i know if i had ever criticized even jokingly the things you wear, you would have a fit. i just know it. and i didn't because a) i didn't really think about it and b) i find it to be totally unnecessary.

You overreacted in a lot of situations and i felt that you were angry which in turn put me in an angry mood. you got way too mad about the casting situation with rodolfo and in fact caused a huge fight between the two of us. we got over it that night, but you were still angry. so much in fact, that you said some hurtful things to me like " i don't ever want to hear about him, not even his name, OR THE FUCKED UP SITUATION YOU GUYS HAVE." I mean, you really took it harsh. First of all, you were saying that "we were taking MONEY away from you" because your name is attached to the project. As i remembered correctly, you did offer your help, but I know for a fact that I never hired you as our casting director. How did it turn into that? You completely took control over that. Yes, i really do sincerely apologize that I put you in that position, but your reaction was completely out of line. It was just too much.

There are a few more situations that I can mention but to be honest, its just too much to list. I can't believe i've written this much already. But i think the last things that happened that really put me over the edge were: the noney thing, my relationship with jani and you coming to my house when you wanted to eat fish tacos. When you asked me for Noney's availability to shoot your project, you were extremely pushy. I felt like I was working for you but i wasn't. it seems to me when you are doing someone a favor that you should treat them a little more nicely than demanding someone else's work schedule. from the beginning you should have asked for her number, instead you somehow made me the middle man and got angry with me, yes angry, because i didn't find it out. Excuse me? how is that appropriate? it is not. The second thing was Jani. Why did you make claim to him? We became friends and thats that. If you and him are friends or are not friends it has absolutely nothing to do with me. Third, when you came over to have fish tacos. Well, this thing, is very minor, but it was just the needle to break the camel's back. i had only a few (literally) hours sleep. You came over to eat, i said i didn't have money but you came over anyway. You came and asked for lotion, which i never have and you got ANNOYED with me because i didn't have it?!?! then you made fun of my shoes and we went to eat. you got ANNOYED with me because i wore my sunglasses inside (even though i explained that i felt like shit and didn't want anyone to see me) and you didn't even offer to buy me a $1.50 fish taco even though you pulled me out of bed. Once out, you made a comment about how nasty it is that someone was smoking and i was just over it. I don't want negativity in my life. i want to be happy. i have enough of my own struggles and can't be around a judgmental person anymore.
Crystal, I know this may be difficult to read, but i really do have to say this, at least for my own sake. I feel that i've been holding onto this for so long. I really cared about you. And i fear that a lot of this hatred comes from insecurities. Listen, i get it. I have my own shit, and i know that it comes out in bad ways. But, there are certain things that are unacceptable and do push people away. For some reason you stopped talking to me, i don't remember doing anything to you, but i'm sure you have your reasons. I really hope that if there is something wrong that you do get better because i know you aren't just this mean person, i know that you can be caring. I really do hope that things get better and i really would want to be your friend in the future, but not a relationship like this anymore.

Thanks for reading and take care.

zara

Ode to Jean Val Jean - Emmanuel Delcour

Dear Jean Val Jean:

We have only just met. I noticed your tardiness on Chef Academy as well as your sweet smile and nonchalance. With each passing indiscretion, you left your fellow classmates wondering who is this douchebag? But my feelings never wavered, you would never keep me waiting would you Jean Val Jean? But their annoyance of you caused them to goggle your birth name - Emmanuel Delcour and low and behold, the great Jean Val Jean was outed to the world. Porn Star Extraordinaire. How your presence has evaded me this long, I am uncertain, but it was destined that we should meet. I watch anything Bravo deigns to create. Your talents could only have gone unnoticed so long. Award winning adult star, great practitioner of analingus, body builder, graphic artist and fabulous chef. Beautiful, graceful ... who wouldn't want to take you home to mom? Hey mom, my baby daddy cooked, designed my website and one sheets, ran 5 miles and gave me 5 wicked orgasms today. What did you do today mom? Huh, what?

Oh Jean Val Jean, how you have my curiosities peaked. What is there to the art of analingus? Until today, I had never heard the word. It sounds so much nicer than tossing salad. How do you like your anus prepped? I imagine there is a bit of waxing and perhaps a spot of bleach. One doesn't want to stick a hairy two-toned sphincter in someone's face. That is just rude. What's your stance on enemas? Kills the spontaneity perhaps, but one doesn't want to catch hepatitis or pink eye for that matter. What flavors do you desire Jean Val Jean? Raspberry jam, caramel, white chocolate, lime sorbet? Might I suggest Nutella or would the color be off putting? Maybe you prefer the sweating, musky natural flavor (eau de female). Eureka, butterscotch. What's good enough for Chef Novelli is good enough for me. And as we're making sweet, sweet love (after the Quest Diagnostics full blood work up and a HPV vaccine (for you and me) - Thanks Dr. Drew for the heads up) please whisper those lovely words into my ear in that heavy French accent ... "no comment". Aw, i melt, i die, i melt.

Top 16 Types of Family Members to Complete Your Family Tree

16. The Nomad -- graduated from highschool and never came back, has lived in foreign countries and all over the U.S.


15. The Trailblazer -- first do anything, first to leave hometown, first to go to college, first to own a home, first on the moon.


14. The Mooch -- always wanting to "hold" some money.


13. The Braggart -- will hold a press conference to show you their new whatever, always wants to tell you how much things cost


12. The Hater -- doesn't like to see ANYONE do well, won't wish anyone well


11. The Cook -- everyone wants to gather/eat at their house. Good food/good hospitality.


10. The Nerd -- smarter than everyone else, either flaunts it obnoxiously or hides it/is embarrassed by this fact (or by your ineptitude)


9. The Brat -- spoiled & entitled beyond belief, truly to the point of delusions of grandeur about their own self importance.


8. The Town Cryer -- can't hold water. Your secret is everyone's business. General gossipness, nosiness and malaise.


7. The Straight Arrow -- good credit, sound business/life advise. generally accompanied /w a superior attitude & i told you sos


6. The Halfzie -- Take ur pick on the mix,noone is racially pure. Halfzies are either gorgeous or ugly 50/50 split.Identity crisis 2 follow.


5. The Gay -- homosesuAL or lesbo, this person has been outright or suspected of or well hidden gay since birth. Get over it.


4. The Law -- this person gravitates toward rules (if only to break them): i.e. Po-lice, lawyer, FBI, CIA, MP, Firefighter


3. Bat Shit Crazy -- nonfunctional semi-homeless,severe emotional problems, may or may not have been assaulted in youth,general nonsequitors


2. Looney Tunes -- functioning crazy, bipolar/depressed, heavily medicated, overly sensitive, general nuts, but still works/drives


1. The Jailbird -- in/out of jail habitully,may or maynot be violent,genius or stupid, always seems to be in the wrong place at the wrong time

Real Housewives of Late Night.

Kids Cry Blood, Are Not Superheroes (Yet)

Kids Cry Blood, Are Not Superheroes (Yet)

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Chris Brown on Larry King

Liar liar pants on fire.

Top 5 Acceptable First Date Topics

1. Where you are from/Funny childhood stories -- nothing makes an asshole endearing like a tongue stuck on an icy flagpole story

2. Jobs - What do you do? What do you want to do in the future? Etc,but keep it light &interesting.Don't bore folks with Quantum Mechanics

3. Sports -- only if both parties are interested. No dates in a sports bar though. Who do yall men think you are fooling.

4. Entertainment - Music/Movies/TV/Books -- you know that thing with pages and words, that's a book

5. What you like to do for fun - please have this list expanded past dinner and a movie

Jesus' Facebook Page

These fake facebook pages have been popping up all over the web and I thought I would post one of the funny ones.


Jesus' Facebook Profile -

Chef Gwyneth Paltrow Roasts Your Chicken

Yes, I do like my A-List celebrities to distribute their own cooking videos. This is not weird at all. Next stop, Celebrity Vet with Brad Pitt and Maddox. Apparently Goop is a website where she shares her recipes and perspective on life. I don't really know what. I haven't explored it yet for reals.

Joe Jackson: Patriarch or Domestic Terrorist

Is this dude for real? First of all its not 1975. I don't know how many times I can be called a jive turkey and not start rolling around on the floor laughing. And who segways into slavery as a reference point for child rearing? What is he talking about? I tell you who needs his own reality show, its not Terrell Owens, or the Gosselin twins or even Paris, Prince & Blanket Jackson: it's Papa Joe. Then we can really see what's what.

Chris Brown Faux-pology

This is Chris Brown's "heartfelt" apology he issued to get his career back on track. There is no doubt in my mind that this jackass is not sorry and would have continued on this behavior if he had not been so publicly caught. Only time will tell if he is truly done laying hands on women. I sincerely hope that I am wrong.

Michael Jackson Pepsi Commercial

Infamous commercial where Michael Jackson's hair caught afire. This is horrible.

Happy Birthday

Short Film I did a million years ago.

A man's smart mouth gets him a beat down for his birthday. On the eve of his next birthday, he hilariously tries to avoid conflict to no available. Happy Birthday chump. How about a knuckle sandwich? What's in the box? Directed by Crystal Holt

Starring Steve Best, Caitlin Emmons, Nathan Caan, Kevin Hope & Brad Stevens.