What Type of Crazy are You?


People throw this word around too liberally. It has lost its meaning and validity. When someone calls you crazy, you don't know quite what they mean, quite how they feel. Let me help you.

Crazy Magnet -- This person doesn't have to be crazy themselves, they attract crazy. Homeless people, mental patients, alcoholics, sex workers, drug addicts, performance artists, racists, zealots anyone left of center wants to be their friend. Crazy Magnet's are usually very straight laced prudes, but not necessarily.

Party Crazy -- Party Crazy is a benign form of crazy. It's that crazy fun aunt you see at Thanksgiving who wears weird clothes and lives in SoHo and loves the bongos. Party Crazy is fun not tragic. It's usually fueled by alcohol and sarcasm. They are always fun to be around, they're social, their world view is a little askew/amusing. Party Crazy people are often impatient, hate stupid people and are prone to road rage.

Bitch Crazy -- This person is a hater. They are always complaining. They don't want anyone to be happy. This person is usually very self centered and flaky. They make grandiose plans only to consistently break them at the last minute. And they can turn any conversation into a conversation about them. They are often boring. They are always a wet blanket.

Love Nuts -- this is when a perfectly sane person (usually, but not always a woman) gets into a relationship with a jackass, sadist, manipulative, narcissist, megalomaniac and/or abusive person and driven crazy. This can be done gradually over time without immediate knowledge of the person who's being driven crazy. This crazy is messy. A once sane and rational person will start to behave erratically and irrationally all to preserve and/or fight for their dying, decaying, diseased, malignant, cancerous, relationship. The symptoms of Love Nuts is hanging up on people, petty arguments (like blowout dish breaking fights about who left out the mayonnaise), breaking things in general, auto vandalism (shattering windshields, slashing tires), home vandalism (throwing rocks through picture windows), stalking, B&E, reconnaissance, private investigating, devoting all ones time to spying on their "loved one." The prescription for this is breaking up with the person, stop talking to the person, burn everything they gave you and delete all phone numbers and email addresses. Perhaps a little light therapy depending on how bad your case was, and a little anger management never hurt anyone.


Crazy House Crazy -- a term coined by my mother (who stole it from someone else). This also can be filed under Bat Shit Crazy. This person needs help. Professional, psychological, three times a week help. Often with the aid of medication, i.e. Xanax, Zoloft, etc. These medications are not recreational. They need them. Do not siphon their pills. This person is crazy on their own merit. They are very often born crazy. It may run in the family. This person has irrational fears. Sometimes its abandonment or jealousy. This person can be very controlling. This person can very easily turn Love Nuts. But they give Love Nuts that little extra kick. They like a little arson, domestic violence, murder/suicide. Do not befriend these people. You can not save them. Do however refer them to a licensed professional.