Larenz Tate Your Life is Calling

Where the hell is Larenz Tate? Remember back when he had a career as a leading man? Menace II Society where he stole the show from Kain and Jada Pinkett. The Inkwell, Why Do Fools Fall in Love, Dead Presidents and of course Love Jones. Hmmmmm .... sweet, sweet love jones. Yeah, you can can't him on Rescue Me I guess, but that's not classic Tate. I need me some movie Tate. I don't want no TV Tate. I need to see Larenz busting a cap in somebodies ass or sexing up Nia Long way before Taye Diggs was hitting that.

Man, remember when black movies were good and sexy and well put together. Remember when they were intelligent and funny and relevant. Not garbage like Soul Plane and whatever crap the Wayans Bros. and Ice Cube and Tyler Perry are cranking out. When there was actual black cinema by people who went to film school and learned the craft and executed it well. Not folks that fell into making movies by doing plays and rapping and being stand up comedians. I'm not hating -- well not too much anyway -- and I commend Cube, Perry and the Wayans on there success on getting anything black out in this white dominated field and/or country, but step it up. Perry is a playwright and looking at his films you can tell. The dialogue is fine, but the technical aspects of the films have horrendously obvious mistakes. All I'm saying is pick up a book on how to make a movie, because its not the same as directing a play. Not even close. I don't know anyone that would classify the Wayans films as cinema, but they have a certain validity, and they're films gross 100 million. So, keep on keeping on. And Cube, he's actually the closest to having a complete product, but he seems to consistently fall short. All of his scripts have plot holes and implausibilities that I can not ignore. Oh, how I yearn for the 90s when there was a variety and an abundance of black cinema that showed different aspects and walks of life within the black culture and didn't just serve to perpetuate stereotypes and highlight buffoonery. Nowadays, it's slim pickings.

So Larenz get your pals back out and crank some shit out. Matter fact, where is my final draft? Let me get to writing something for you and Taye Diggs. Get yall asses off TV and back on the silver screen where you belong.

James McAvoy is my Baby Daddy.

Yeah I said it. And some of you have heard me say it before and with the release of Wanted I reiterate this point. I'm not going to comment on whether or not I think Wanted is a good movie. I'm only going to comment on the fact that I want to have sex with and birth James McAvoy's bastard children (or non-bastard if he wants to get married, his choice). I'm digging this dude and have been since Last King of Scotland, though I must admit that I fell asleep on it the first time but that had more to do with me being sleepy and it being the third movie I watched in row. My sister watched the whole thing and she'll fall asleep on anything she watches past 9p.m. so it must have been good. Anyway, I loved him in Atonement and the Jane Austen, and The Children of Dune miniseries that I didn't know he was in but aired on Sci Fi and actually watched was addicted to and attracted to that dude that starred in it (what's his name? hmm....) and Narnia as a half goat, and in that 10 items or less of the things I hate about you left in the world -- or whatever the name of that movie is that no one saw that's kind of like that movie with what's his name from the Good Son that's got Run Lola Run in it and that Mandy Moore taste like candy girl. Man it must be national free word association day. But I bet there's some film nerd out there that knows exactly who and what I'm talking about. The point is James MacAvoy is hot and he makes me feel all warm and tingling in the pants. I'm going to give him a 3 egg rating. That's right, I'm willing to set aside 3 of my eggs for him to fertilize at a later date. It's just like stars but grosser. Mmmmm....haggis....and kilts ... and balls. Okay, okay, I'm going to sleep now.

T.I. is Coming for you No Matter What!!!!

Get ready cause he's coming. Sept 2, Paper Trail drops and that first single No Matter What is fire. Don't sleep on him. It's not too late to jump on the band wagon. You should have been on by the King album, really by the singles Rubberband Man and Bring Him Out. Hova named two successors. One of them is the crown prince Weezy, T.I. is the other. Gun charges aside. TI is hands down a genius. If he can only keep his nose clean. If he doesn't, that makes good music, too. I'm sure I'm not the only one outside of T.I.'s family that's glad his sentence was reduced to 3 months. I've been looking to see who would challenge Weezy's reign. Should have known it would be Tip. Man I love these boyz.

I Heart Gene Simmons

Is it just me or is Gene Simmons : Family Jewels hilarious? Gene Simmons is the consumate straight man. He got the show because he's Gene Simmons. He kept the show because his family is endearing, stand up comedians in their own right, and very interesting in different ways. Gene is the squarest rock star you ever want to meet. The only thing that is rock star about him is lust for sex, and he's been having sex with the same woman for the past 20 years. He doesn't drink. He doesn't do drugs. Nor has he ever. The only thing he is addicted to is work and making money. Shannon Tweed is always trying to pull one over on stodgy Gene. Shannon's sister Tracey is crazy in a fun way. His son is cute. His daughter is gorgeous and smart. They're just a normal family. They're no Osbournes. The kids won't grow up to have eating disorders and have multiple stints in rehabs. You want the Simmons to be your neighbors and your friends. There is no fear that Shannon will chuck a ham at you. Its just a good clean fun time.

Madonna : Too Old?

Madonna can't even sell out L.A.? Is the Material Girl's reign coming to an end? Is she getting too old to do stadium? Janet is still doing stadium. So are the Rolling Stones and Sting. So, age isn't really a factor. I guess hotness is. But Madonna hasn't really failed to deliver since the mid-90s when she was donning gold teeth and trying to have Dennis Rodman's mocha chocolatta babies. So, what's going on with tickets sales? Is it the economy? That gas is $50 a tank full at minimum. I'm currently paying $63 for regular unleaded. That natural gas and electric utilities are up 10% -- which is alot when you factor in that the temperature isn't going down, but going up. Last Week in LA it was 115 degrees and we haven't even hit July & August. That's Las Vegas, Phoenix weather not Los Angeles. Food prices are up too, anything with corn in it (which is everything check your labels) is up. Eggs and milk are up. Milk is $8 in Hawaii. Something's got to give. Now, you know I love me a good concert, but that's an extraneous cost. When its costing me $150/week just to live, drive to work, and eat (and I don't mean high off the hog, either), do I have $150 to spend on a 50 year old writhing around in a spandex leotard, some fishnets and platform shoes (that includes Gene Simmons)? Um, no, I don't.

Oh yeah, 50 is too old to dress like a street walker. Wait, what is Cher wearing these days? Never mind.

Whitety Kane

Is it me or is it wrong to take 2 black girls from the hood, white wash them and stick them in a girl group called Danity Kane. This is pop with no possible edge. Its sticky sweet and boring. Are these girls for real? More importantly is Puffy for real? Pop needs an edge. Britney Spears' reign is over. Long live Pussycat Dolls and Amy Winehouse and Katy Perry. People with a little something extra.

NeYo is a Big Flaming Homo

Is it just me or are those rumors about NeYo possibly true. His video for closer could not be any gayer. First off its all about the dancing. Which is fine, but its all recycled Michael Jackson dance moves. Be innovative like Chris Brown, Usher or even Omarion. Second, NeYo's video Closer is not about the girl. You're talking about getting closer to a girl and she is not the focus of the video. You never see a close up of her. It's all ugly ass NeYo close ups grimacing at the camera. I guess he thinks that's sexy. It's not. Well, it might be to men. Check any rap/Hip Hop video, it's all about the girl. Maybe NeYo's not gay. Maybe he's just vain.

Nope, he's a homo. Even Kanye will give a ho a close up.

Where in the World is Eminem?

July must be music month cause I gots alots to say. Where is my Em? I know he's still sad that his best bud was shot in the head in a club a couple of years ago over some nonsense, but Kanye's mom died and that bastard was like "gear up the world tour." Juvenille's daughter was killed and he put on a show the same day. Okay, now that last one was plain ridiculous. I say put some of that grief into a song. You could dedicate a whole album to crying and trials and tribulations and such. We'll listen. We know that even though you're rich, you still have it rough. Come on back Em. The world is waiting.

Old Dudes on the Block

What the fuck? New Kids on the block's new single is like being in a time warp. I didn't realize I was still in 4th grade. Are they for real? With the dance moves and the good time pop? Would New Edition pretend they weren't 20 years older?! No. And Donnie Wahlberg? You've had like 7 tv shows since New Kids. You still trying play the kid? The rapper? Ain't all yall 40? With wives? and 8 kids? and some dogs? mortgages? and hemorrhoids? I'm just saying. I'm all for a good comeback, but this is ridiculous. Is this what the oldies station sounds like. New Kids on the Block and old NSync. Oh Man, that's sad.

Weezy F. Baby

The man is murdering them ... mercilessly. There is no hotter MC than him right now. No one!! Not Hova who hasn't fell off but has already peaked. Not bobble bubbled headed self hyped Kanye. Not Eminem who's on hiatus and still grieving over the death of his best friend, not T.I. who can't keep his nose clean and the Feds out of his face. Not 50 Cent, who can rock a mean hook, but can't write a decent verse to save his fucking life. Not Young Jeezy who consistently delivers hot sultry raspy verses that only black people can understand and white people don't know who the hell he is. And as far as I'm concerned T-Pain or Akon can fall off the face of the earth. The man did 700+ tracks last year alone. He was on everybody's single making that shit hotter.

Wayne is comparing himself to Hova and more importantly Tupac and Notorious B.I.G and rightly so. His rhymes are sick. Anyone after 30 years still thinking this isn't an artform is living under a rock. Wayne has never tried to crank out radio hits. Unlike his peers, he just makes hits. Eminem is a prime example of pandering to the lowest common denominator. Way too talented to be releasing schlock like Will the Real Slim Shady Please stand and much of that garbage on his first album. Nas is a formidable opponent, too, but he's inconsistent. Hova called him out on it, but Nas gave him the smack down with Ether. But ultimately Hova's still right. 80% of Nas' music is bullshitty shit. You ain't gang banging. Nas, you need to stick to uplifting gangster music. That will service you well. Hova held it down for a good 8 years. Not too bad. You still ain't trying to battle him on the mic, but he's like Michael Jordan ... trying to retire but just love the game too much. He'll still be around.

Kanye had it right on that Lollipop remix telling Wayne that he ain't gonna murder him on the track like Wayne murders everyone else, but it goes round and round. Kanye didn't get murdered on the Lollipop remix with Wayne, but he also didn't murder Wayne on his song. Jay Z murdered Kanye on that Diamonds are Forever song of Kanye's. Nas rapped on Ether about how Eminem murdered Jay on one of his songs, which was true. Tupac murdered Biggie on that diss track about Faith Evans. 50 murdered Ja Rule and ended his fucking career. T.I. murdered Erykah Badu's little brother, Lil .... Lil somebody. You don't hear me saying anything about anyone murdered Wayne .... and you won't.

It's Lil Wayne's decade. He's just hungry. Like that Biggie interview or that Jay Z song My First Song. You have to stay hungry. And Wayne is ferocious. This man is poised to have a longer and better career than LL Cool J. I bet you can't find one person who still doesn't know who that is. Weezy's been in the game for 10 years already and he's only 25. And he just keeps getting better exponentially. I don't want to say that since he's stopped exclusively collaborating with Mannie Fresh that he's has grown and become more daring, creative and bolder as an artist, but damn I just did. I'm not only recommending you buy the Carter III, but the Carter II and even I. And if you already stole it when you see Weez in the street, just hand him your 20 directly. He'll know what's for and he won't even be mad.

T.I. get your shit together and fall in. Mount Rapmore is calling you. Tupac, Notorious BIG, Jay Z, Lil Wayne and you on the right. How bad you want it? Em, its room for you too baby. Get your last cry out and meet 'em on top of the mountain.

Et Tu Brutus?

Kristin Davis. You naughty minx. I reiterate : don't let your boyfriend take pictures or video of you sucking his cock. It's like getting a tattoo of his name on your body. You will break up. And you look like an idiot. After you piss him off and he posts this on the web, you look like a whore. He looks like a stud even though he's usually not even in the photo. You don't even see him. Just his scraggly old cock. All people will remember about the incident is you with a mouth full of cock. Not even Mother Theresa, the Virgin Mary or Princess Diana can come back from that one. Suck cock in private, behind closed doors after you've scanned the room for spy devices, extraneous cell phones and pin holes in the ceiling and or ceiling fan. Stop eating cock and looking knowingly into the camera. At least have someone catch you unawares. Posting this shit without the consent of both naked parties should be illegal and punishable by death. Except for me of course.