Big Mouth

Nobody likes a big mouth, well men like a big mouthed woman -- I never quite understood that until I realized that men see your mouth as a resting place for their penis. All I see is soup coolers and huge chompers -- the last place I would think a penis would want to go, but whatevs. But that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about gossips. Nobody likes a gossip whore. If we're traveling in the same circle and one of our friends is telling me MY OWN business before I've gotten the chance to tell the story ... we got a problem. If I'm in the middle of a business tiff with someone and a third party comes up to me "covertly" asking if everything is alright, we've got a problem. I know that it is you. I have asked you not to behave in this fashion and that I do not appreciate it. We shall see if this damn that is your mouth will hold, otherwise, I will have to adjust. That is all. Good day sir.

Michael Jackson Dead at 50

Michael Jackson died of a heart attack yesterday @ approximately 3 p.m. in Los Angeles. The world wept. He was a lot of different things to all of us, but there is no denying his talent and his legacy. He will live in our hearts and minds until our end of days. Jackson defined and shaped my adolescence (and millions more) through his music. He will be greatly missed. Our condolences go out to his family and loved ones. It will surely come to light on why the King of Pop was taken from us so young. I hope he is in a better place. Rest in Peace Michael Jackson.

Michael Jackson YouTube Channel

Michael Jackson Playlist

911 Call

Fairy Tale Generator

I stumpled upon a Fairytale Generator. You click random boxes and it gives you a story. Enjoy.

The Mouth in the Mountain

I stepped outside with father's boots on, feeling the heaviness of his feet in mine. The people in my country's soil then clawed into his boots and pulled me down until I could no longer breathe in anything but dense thick soil and earthworm particles traveling into my mouth. The spirits of my land traveled through me as well. They drifted in and out of my body, trading places and laughing, laughing at me and my sad predicament.

She stood tall and menacing in her fire-infused robes. "Where are you from," her tongue flickered when she spoke, "and where do you think you are going?"

When I turned around seeking an open pathway, I was surprised to find that the stream surrounded me on all sides. The serpent from across the way beckoned me with his tongue, unfurling it out over the water. The tongue almost touched my shoes "If you need to get across, walk over on this. But please walk gently, for if you don't you may slide and fall off, and no one will ever find you again."

The men of the earth hungered for my people's flesh. If I did not provide them with a sacrifice to abate their sorrows, they would take my body and walk amongst my people like one of the undead. They would find ways to sip their lives into their own empty souls.

I fled, I fled so fast that my feet did not feel the ground. Instead they chafed the cold breeze as my heels vibrated like wings of locusts and dragonflies.

When the people of the soil touched my feet they fell back into the ground with shrieks and cries. Now I could reach the top of the mountain without fear of falling down.
As I approached the top of the mountain a white spectacle blinded me for an instant. When I blinked again I saw a white dragon shifting over the mountain like a layer of foam riding ocean waves. I could tell by its movement that it was a territorial creature; I could tell that it would fight me before allowing me to press further.

Before I entered my home my brothers came out, and, thinking I was a peddler, asked how much the jade I carried was worth.

My lying brothers cried when they were forced to walk on the ground without their leather bottomed shoes. I watched as they, like my father had once, were swallowed by the ground and mouths hungry for stinking flesh.

I was offered a place in the palace, but I could not accept. I wanted to be with the mountain; I felt it move under my skin as I knew part of me was in the mountain too.

That was mine, try your own.

Drake Fever

Are we about to catch Drake fever? This Canadian import was on stage with Weezy back in March only to be a headliner in this upcoming tour with Wayne, Young Jeezy and Soulja Boy Tell Em. He's on stage with Jamie Foxx on Conan. He's one of Rihanna's rumored paramours. His song Best I Ever Had is blowing up the radio. He's one of the FEW proven people who can rap AND sing ... T-Pain, sorry dude ... I don't place you in this category. He's hot AND he's the one thing Weezy is not ... TALL. And if you've ever seen Degrassi High: The Next Generation, you already know him. And with Chris Brown having vacated the spotlight amid that colosal scandal, America is in need of new light skinned brotha. Let's hope this boy knows how to keep his hands to himself.

Decade of Dong

What is it about exposed vagina that is so sexual? More importantly what is it about exposed penis that is so funny. More and more actors going for the full frontal in comedies for the laugh (Viva Judd Apatow). I went to a screening of the film Couples Retreat last night and Carlos Ponce (a very buff version of Lindsay Price's contractor boyfriend in Lipstick Jungle) played a yoga instructor that rocked some wicked shiny speedos that didn't leave you wondering whether or not he is circumcised. Then he proceeded to hump every member of the cast -- literally. At one point, his genitalia was placed repeatedly on one of the actresses spread eagle style vagina. Just imagine if you had a sandwich (penis) that was wrapped in a napkin (speedo) and you placed that sandwich on the counter (vagina). Okay, now pick up that sandwich ... then place it on the counter again ... and pick it up ... then put it down ... then pick it up .... now put it down. Now blow up that image in your head up 1000%. Now, you're in the ball park of what I'm talking about. I shutter to think what we'll find funny in 2020 ... insertion shots. Guffaw, guffaw! If Couples Retreat were a Judd Apatow film, we would have seen Faison Love from the front. More cock never hurt anybody

BEP: Hip Hop or Hip Not?

Are the Black Eyed Peas still considered hip hop? Should they be? I know they were back in the 90s BEFORE Fergie joined the group. But can they still claim that title? Is having minority members and having a hip hop lineage enough for you to still be claiming and repping the genre? I think they have gone past straddling the fence, melding genres and crossing over. I think they have hurdled the fence and now strickly reside in pop land. There isn't anything wrong with that, but lets call a spade a fucking spade.