Ugly Babies

Why does everyone think their child, grandchild, niece and/or nephew is cute? I'm here to tell you they are not. This is like high school. Some of you are cute and some of you aren't, but here's the other thing about babies. Some of them will grow up to be cute adults like Rudy Huxtable and Punky Brewster and some of them will not like Macaulay Culkin. So, while you kid may be cute now, there is no guarantee that they'll stay that way. And just because your kid looks like a Gila monster doesn't mean they won't outgrow it and become beautiful. So, if you want to lament on how cute your child is, hold that thought. Call me when they're 18 or 21 or 30, THEN we'll see what's what.

Beyonce & Jay Z finally got Hitched

Good for them. They finally got married while managing to thwart most of the press. No pictures to reveal, no interviews. They got married pretty close to total secrecy. Why is everyone hating on this couple getting married?

I've heard ugly radio hosts in LA talk about how they don't want them to procreate because Jay Z's face is less than stellar. First, off, step off Hova. Secondly, two pretty people have ugly children all the time. Look at Olivia Newton John's daughter Chloe. That chick looks like the cat lady. She looks like a cracked out blow fish. I'm sure she's nice, but she doesn't look like either of her parents.

Whenever B and Hov decided to have children, I'm sure they will look just fine. Either way, their parents will love them.

Dustin Diamond is a Douchebag

Dustin Diamond holds so much emotional scarring from his days on Saved by the Bell, it is ridiculous. This man is so insecure and paranoid that he lashes out at anyone that gives him guff. The thing is you're Dustin freaking Diamond. Screech. Who isn't going to give you shit, dude? I'm sure growing up with the beautiful people : Mario Lopez, Lark Voorhees, Mark Paul Gosselaar, Elizabeth Berkley and Tiffani Amber Thiessen, did not help your self esteem. I'm sure they were running around partying and fucking each other and leaving you off to the side to witness and not partake. I'm also sure every last one of them probably got paid more than you. Sure, that sucks, too. But life's not fair. Suck it up.

This is no reason to turn into the biggest asshole since Kanye West. Well, maybe it would make even Job cry, but what you need is some therapy. Some hard core 3 days a week therapy, and maybe a life coach. You are not cute enough to be an asshole and people still like you. And you expect your showmates to be on your side? Seriously? You're lazy and you use every opportunity to screw them over. I'm surprised they're even speaking to you.

And picking on poor Harvey. Sure, he's an asshole, too. But only to people who aren't trying and are acting like big babies. He's a marine drill sergeant. He's supposed to be an asshole. It's a part of his charm. But this is no cause to call him an anti-Semite. That isn't true. And calling your manager girlfriend just makes you look like a coward.

Don't even get me started on the dirty sanchez. Not only is the act in and of itself disgusting, but the giver of the sanchez is unworthy of that level of freakery. I can't even imagine how poo is sexy.

Dustin grow up and get it together.