Ode to Jean Val Jean - Emmanuel Delcour

Dear Jean Val Jean:

We have only just met. I noticed your tardiness on Chef Academy as well as your sweet smile and nonchalance. With each passing indiscretion, you left your fellow classmates wondering who is this douchebag? But my feelings never wavered, you would never keep me waiting would you Jean Val Jean? But their annoyance of you caused them to goggle your birth name - Emmanuel Delcour and low and behold, the great Jean Val Jean was outed to the world. Porn Star Extraordinaire. How your presence has evaded me this long, I am uncertain, but it was destined that we should meet. I watch anything Bravo deigns to create. Your talents could only have gone unnoticed so long. Award winning adult star, great practitioner of analingus, body builder, graphic artist and fabulous chef. Beautiful, graceful ... who wouldn't want to take you home to mom? Hey mom, my baby daddy cooked, designed my website and one sheets, ran 5 miles and gave me 5 wicked orgasms today. What did you do today mom? Huh, what?

Oh Jean Val Jean, how you have my curiosities peaked. What is there to the art of analingus? Until today, I had never heard the word. It sounds so much nicer than tossing salad. How do you like your anus prepped? I imagine there is a bit of waxing and perhaps a spot of bleach. One doesn't want to stick a hairy two-toned sphincter in someone's face. That is just rude. What's your stance on enemas? Kills the spontaneity perhaps, but one doesn't want to catch hepatitis or pink eye for that matter. What flavors do you desire Jean Val Jean? Raspberry jam, caramel, white chocolate, lime sorbet? Might I suggest Nutella or would the color be off putting? Maybe you prefer the sweating, musky natural flavor (eau de female). Eureka, butterscotch. What's good enough for Chef Novelli is good enough for me. And as we're making sweet, sweet love (after the Quest Diagnostics full blood work up and a HPV vaccine (for you and me) - Thanks Dr. Drew for the heads up) please whisper those lovely words into my ear in that heavy French accent ... "no comment". Aw, i melt, i die, i melt.