I Loved All My Hoes

My friend told me that I have a habit of sleeping with my friends. That's not entirely true! I only slept with the ones that would have me. For the record, there is only one that wouldn't and even he tried to resend that offer. But alas, IT IS TOO LATE!! That boat has sailed! On to greener pastures and the like. When I go off to marry Pharrell and have little Williams babies and he produces the songs I write, my first will be about how much I loved ALL my hoes. That's right. I loved all of them. That bowlegged, 1st grade, puppy love, see you in the supermarket, longed for you from afar muther, yeah, damn right I loved him. That move to Atlanta and get a gold tooth, run up your mother's long distance phone bill late night phone sex, show up unannounced at Christmas mofo, yeah, I loved him. That knuckle head unfocused loser that I corrupted in heathen delights that tore my heart out and put it in a blender that flunked out of U of I because class interrupted with his internet porn schedule, yup I loved him too. That sophomore I molested and abused and led on and left lying alone in my bed when I wandered off into the hallway bored after 5 minutes, naw I didn't love him (but I feel bad ... way ... way down deep). That big football playing mutherfucka that followed me around like a puppy dog and fucked everything that moved and talked with that country twang and somehow always seemed to be on an impromptu road trip, yep I loved him too. That smooth faced pretty boy Arion called Gnat King Cole (Why? LMFAO, nunya fucking business) that taught me the round and round, I loved him too. That blue eyed devil with the chip on his shoulder that gave me that gift I quickly returned, yep, I loved him too. That life altering mofo that got under my skin and into my head and pissed on my soul and turned me out, yeah, I loved that bastard, too. That colleague, that commiserating, philosophizing genius cheating sense of wonder, starer into your essence cuckold, yeah, I loved him too. That road dog, ace boon coon, laugh a minute, same wave length sarcastic asshole intellectual reformed drug dealer twin, yeah, I loved and truly miss him. That gorgeous, great kisser, what kind of underwear you got on, big secret having, everyone instantly falls in love with him mofo, yeah, I still love him. That Latino, let me touch your boobies, drool from across the room G.I. Joe mofo, yeah, I love him. That tall drink of cornfed Kansas water that drunkenly peed on all my DVDs thinking he was in the bathroom, that slow stroking mofo, yeah, I loved him too. That half black, half Korean mofo that only dated Korean chicks until I got my hands on him, I loved that muther to death all night long. That chocolate gigolo that was TOO good in bed and called out orders like a football coach and flipped and turned and drilled you like an experienced oil rigging ballroom dancer, sure, I gave him some love, too. That all state track star that spread them rumors about how I ride you into the sunset, yep I loved him too - well as much as you can love someone you want to shank to death. I loves me all my hoes. Don't lets nobodies tells ya different. Word to your mummyfucker.


Yeah okay...I'll be on the look out for that R&B chart topper I Loved all my hoes...and then the remix version with Lil' Wayne and T. Pain. It'll be hot I'm sure!!!


I look out for it. It's coming.