Anonymity ... Fuck it! I can't spell.

There has to be something said for anonymity.  I don't want to be facebook friends with my coworkers.  What if I want to status something shitty about work.  Then they're all why do you want to get off work early, why do you hate, blah blah blah. Because motherfucker!  Because.  Okay, so I went to this karoake bar that I'm starting to become a regular at.  Sometimes you just gotta sing that shit out!  That stress, that man, that job, that life, whateva.  Anyway,  I went to this bar and I made some new friends like I do.  So, I made four whatevs.  One chick was real cute and I was admiring her tattoos, but I realized halfway in that she wanted to do me.  Okay, I'm flattered.  I feel like everyone should want to do me, but this chick was hot and in to me, but I like dick but I'm still halfway nice deep down on the inside so instead of leading her on I just kind of disappeared and left all together.  Wait, is that wrong?  Why do I feel like a dude right now?  Damn.  Anyhoo, I met this other cool black guy that was a little older, not gross so, but noticeably, should have his shit together by now so, but he was always on the phone outside apologizing to some chick into to his Voyager.  Okay, NEXT!!!  So, while I was outside drinking all of my holiday liquor -- that I had stored and forgotten about in the trunk -- with my new friend Steve who I thought he was gay because he was wearing an ascot and a dress and some jeans, but was not gay because he pulled his cock out in front of this girl who was real cool and reminded me of Leslie (who didn't come, bitch) and sang some Leonna Lewis song.  Basically, Steve was like I'm not gay see and pulled his cock out and there was a genital wart on it that he proceeded to tell us about. It was redder than the rest of his skin and it had the milky white cream on it that he told us was compound W (um, for regular warts) and told us not to fuck chicks off some website that is now defunct or some shit, but that ain't the kicker.  Then with the same hand that he like whipped his cock out and stretched out to show us his potential with (like white boys are won't to do, remind me of telling you guys what happened with Trina last week) and potentially touched his wart with, he was gesturing like excited Trannys who are in full convo mode are wont to do and touched ole Leonna Lewis Leslie chicks arm and hand and she fully stopped convo.  Okay, so before that we both were shocked and appauled and awed and intrigued at seeing a live and fully agressive STD in action in real time in front of our very eyes, but as soon as he touched her (which is kind of rude if I wasn't so busy internally laughing because it wasn't me) she was like, "Um did he just touch me? did he just touch me. Um... i'm going to wash, I'll be right back."  And he wasn't like offended or perplexed or phased or anything.  He was like I'll see you when you get back.  Now, by the time she gets back he has to pee because he's been ciphering jose cuervo premixed margaritas out of the trunk of my car which is cool.   So, she like talks my ear off about she's got genital warts now because he's touched her arm and hand and i'm like no, unless you have a cut on your hand or arm or some shit, and she's like I don't know.  and i'm like well it won't be genital warts because he didn't touch your genitals.  get a dermatologist to nitrogen freeze that shit off if it becomes a problem, but my point is what if she didn't want the world to know that some kid she met at a bar whipped out his cock showed her his genital wart then touched her arm man.  What if uh, she wanted to take that to her grave.  Something has be said for anonymity.  Fuck coworkers trying to be your friends.  You don't fucking know me.  Now, my jack in the box is getting cold.


you need to do some stand-up comedy, girl. no reason to bullshit you, cuz, like we're gonna be knowing each other forevah. so seriously, you can entertain with your gift of gab. so hilarious. and i totally dig how you pull it all together. the line i cracked up at the mostest: "seeing a live and fully agressive STD in action in real time in front of our very eyes" OMG. best way to relieve stress is to laugh out loud at some really funny shit. i feel so much better now.
Muchas Gracias mi amiga. ♥